I am browsing at my phone's photo album to see whether those photos remind me something and I can put it down here just in case I forget about the stories behind them.
I chose this to continue with.
Matt took this picture for me, when we were up there on the roof.
I talked something about Matt before but I wanna add on some details.
It begins like this.
We had been talking on whatsapp for quite some time, I think maybe a week plus. He asked for my number because he said he prefer to chat using whatsapp better. So I asked,
"You have much to talk to me huh?"
He replied,
"At least you are the one person out of many that agrees with going to North Korea"
And I said,
"Haha, there you go 07xxxxxxxxx"
Uh huh then it starts all over again, I mean our conversation.
He is the special one I would say, because he did not start our very first conversation with "hi" or something similar to that. If I remember correctly, he asked me something about travelling. I cannot remember exactly what he asked though.
Isn't that very rare that someone to use that as an opening. Immediately I am attracted to him but at the same time I thought he must be a very nerd guy and maybe shady. I did not have much expectation to him after a few texts because our topic basically was just travelling. I could tell he really likes to travel, unlike me.
We do not text very frequently. By 'frequently' I mean we do not do instant reply at all. To me, it's because all the questions he threw at me required me to do a bit of research and a bit of thinking for sure. So what I did was I read the text first to give him blue-ticks and I will reply him later, maybe a few hours later. I do not know about him, maybe he is working that's why he can't reply me right away I think. Oh and I was so occupied by Tom at that time so instead of him, my priority was Tom.
I remember very clearly one of the questions he asked me was which country that I want to travel the most. I totally had no idea at that time or maybe I did not wanna think about it at all, I answered India. I did not wanna sound like I do not know anything about a country when I say I wanna travel there so badly. I said India because at least I have some idea about it as Jian Li just came back from there and he told me something about India, so I roughly have the idea of how India would be like.
I told him about the Ganges River in India where the local people will do anything in that river, from the most basic daily activities like bathing or doing laundry to funerals. I told him that you can see dead bodies floating on the river while you are bathing in the river sometimes. He said he does not know how he would feel about that.
Other than that, I do not quite remember what were we talking. Our texts were super long because they are like an exchange of opinions and not just random flirting texts. I remember cracking my head to reply to his texts, which I googled a lot and checked my grammar a few times before sending it out. They were a paragraph long all the time, I am not lying.
I did tell him that I am leaving very soon, back to my country. He did not say anything. Until one day he asked me whether I wanna meet up before I leave England. I was kind of surprise when he asked so because I thought we would never see each other because from our conversations, I thought we were just gonna be like this and then maybe not keeping in touch anymore when Ive go back. I agreed to meet up.
He is the 4th guy that I met. I thought I am too good at doing this meet-up-with-stranger thing so I said yes. It was a week before our outing, we were going to meet on Saturday. I would not say it was a date because I honestly did not believe that it was a date. I thought we were just gonna meet up, sit down for a coffee and then chat through what we have said but in more details. I was not expecting much from him honestly. We did not say where we were gonna meet, what time and what we were gonna do. It was just a yes and we left things hanging. I did not make the intuitive to ask either because I thought it wasn't gonna happen since there was still a week to go and I genuinely think he would forget about it. And also I was very occupied at that time, you know, I wasn't paying much attention to Matt.
I told Jasmine about him, I showed her his pictures and I told her how we talked to each other and everything. Jasmine said this is very dodgy because we just say we are gonna meet up and he did not give any further details about that. She thought it was gonna be very dangerous if I just go out with him like this, without knowing where is he gonna bring me to. She asked me to not go out with him because she thought that he was a very shady person. Hahaha~ I told her I agree with what she said but I did not promise her that I'm not going out with him, I actually wanted to meet him. But I wasn't desperate though, I was OCCUPIED anyway. I just let things happen.
It was a Friday and I was spending time with Tom, Matt texted me to ask what time should we meet. I said in the afternoon, I said 3pm. He was cool with it. Earlier on I said I like to wander around the city centre and he said he likes it too, so we will just do the wondering on Saturday. It's all set. I wasn't nervous, at all. That was because I was OCCUPIED, that's why I couldn't think much.
I already had in my mind of what I am gonna wear on that day so I wasn't worried about dressing up at all. I roughly prepared myself before heading to meet him. I had a small cling bag so I did not bring an umbrella, and I was wearing a dress because I thought it was gonna be sunny. Who knows it rains. Goddamnit!
He suggested we meet at the grassy place outside of Liverpool One theatre. I know that place I arrived there earlier than 3pm. I did not wanna show that I am on time, it would maybe means that I am desperate. That is definitely the last thing that I would want him to think about me. So I was waiting in front of the theatre and it was raining so heavily outside. I was holding my phone texting him to double confirm the place that we were gonna meet and he said he would be there in a minute. I asked him again whether he is sure because it was raining so heavily outside, it was impossible that we were able to sit outside. While I was texting him, many people walked pass me and they never fail to give me a glance and I have made so many eye contacts on that 10 minutes of waiting. I felt so self conscious. I was checking my hair to see whether it is too messy, I checked my dress to ensure my panty did not show, I checked my makeup to see whether my eyeliner smudges. I basically felt so uncomfortable standing there.
He replied saying that we can meet at the Starbucks near the stairs. I was cool with that and I walked down the stair, taking he elevator. There were 2 Starbucks near there. The only one that I thought of when he mentioned Starbucks was the one opposite the long elevator at Liverpool One, next to Swarovski shop. I went into the Starbucks to check whether he is there, nope, he hadn't arrive. Because it was a rainy day, Starbucks was so crowded and again I felt self conscious and decided to just wait outside.
I was looking down onto my phone while waiting because I did not wanna look stupid. I did not text Matt at first when I was there and I waited for quite a while, maybe like 15 to 20 minutes for him. But i did not see him so I picked up the phone and texted him saying I was there. He said he was there too. I was like what?!? And a few seconds later only I realised there is another Starbucks at the other side, the one next to Zara. I told him that I had the wrong idea so I will go over now. Thank God it wasn't raining anymore when I walked there.
I saw him but he didn't see me, so I walked to him without him realise. I said hi first and I hugged him. It was a very brief hug, fake hug I would say. He looked to small in size to me when I first saw him. It made me felt even more self conscious because I felt like I am fat when I was next to him. He suggested that we grab a coffee, I said yes.
We walked towards Starbucks, he was in front of me, I followed. He opened the door, went it and held it for me to enter. Not too bad I thought. I saw he had a British passport in his back pocket when I was walking behind him. While we were in the line, I asked him why he carry his passport around, he said it's very normal for British to do because he doesn't have a driving license and they do not have ID card. He went forward to the counter when it was his turn, I did not follow.
I remember what Jasmine told me, I learnt. I do not wanna give him the wrong impression that I want him and stuffs so I waited and went to another counter. The crowd in there was massive, we could barely hear each other's voices talking while waiting for our drinks. He has a very strong Liverpool accent and I can tell straight away that he is raised in Liverpool itself. He was so shy, so was I but I tried my very best to look into his eyes when talking to him.
We couldn't get a place in Starbucks so he asked whether i have been to the Liverpool museum before. I said yes. He asked whether I would wanna go there again and I said yes. Hahahaha~ It was so funny, and we brought our drinks to the museum. Honestly I had not properly been to the World War Museum, I have brought some friends there before and that's it.
I did not know what I was doing at that point of time actually. I was so blurred now thinking back at it. I basically said yes to everything which obviously isn't a good thing. But because I was scared and nervous that's why I couldn't think. Hahahaha~ But museum is a very good idea on first date I must say. It wasn't awkward because even though we did not have much to talk about we still can pretend to be looking at the displays. Hahahaha~
We started at the highest floor. While walking up the stairs he asked me how to pronounce my name. I said it to him but he did not repeat after me. I don't know what that means, maybe he felt embarrassed to say it out, maybe he was worried that he couldn't pronounce it correctly and it was gonna offend me.
While we work it down stair by stair, he said something we should have stayed indoor under this weather. It was freezing cold outside and super windy. However I was sweating so much, I was so nervous. Now thinking back at what he said, he was actually hinting that we should go back you know, to do something else. But I did not get his hint at that time, I ignored him about that.
We actually had a lot of fun in the museum. There was some thing about colours for children. We answered some questions together, we did the colour-blind test. I told him in Malaysia girls do not need to go through the colour blindness test because it mostly only happen to guys. He was very surprised to know that. And in the kid section as well, there is a wall that we can hide if we changed into the outfit provided. I changed first and then him. At the ancient Egyptian section, he told me that he lived in Egypt before when he was small and he used to know how to speak Arabian. I was shocked this time.
After coming out from the museum, he asked whether I wanna grab a tea or coffee. I said I am fine. I had no appetite at all even though I was starving at that time. I just had a sausage roll in the morning and just now that coffee. He said he needs water all the time because he gets thirsty very easily. I asked him whether he prefers coffee or tea, he said tea. I high-fived because I said I love tea too. I didn't know why I high five him, but it happened. He did not seem surprise anyway. I said people tend to say they love coffee more because they thought it is cooler to say so but I don't think so. He agreed with me.
The wind was so strong. I needed to keep holding my dress from 2 sides so that it wouldn't be blown up.I complained to Matt that I was shivering because it was so cold. He suggested to get a coat from his house before we head to somewhere else because he stays nearby. I said it's fine I can handle the cold. He repeatedly asked me whether I am sure and I said yes I am even though he kept saying that he stays nearby. Now thinking back at it again, maybe he is hinting to go back to his place again. But I didn't get it that time, I said no anyway.
We went into Tesco for him to grab a bottle of water and we continued walking to Albert Dock. I asked him what he does as he said he studied computer science. From the way he speaks, I could tell right there on the spot that he is a smart guy, arrogant kind of smart. He got a first class from John Moores and he said he hate it when people wants to do the group coursework with him because he would rather do it all by himself. He told me a lot about his dissertations but I couldn't remember any. I am very good listener and I can fake my interest in listening all the time, and I was faking it that time.
We was walking at the dock, crossing the bridge and turned into the restaurants towards the Liverpool eye. We walked pass public toilet and Matt asked me to wait. I was like what what? I did not see the public toilet sign at first. I was puzzled, I did not know whether to follow him. I did not at the end I waited outside. Shouldn't he tell me that he wants to use the toilet and ask me to wait for him? But he didn't, WTH! While walking I asked whether the kinds here go to tuition classes. I thought I pronounce 'tuition' correctly but he did not understand at all. He did not know what I was talking about, totally no idea. So I gave up, but later he got it. He said 'tuition' in a super weird way, you know, the Scouse accent.
We went into a gallery at Albert Dock. COME ON! I'm not an artistic person at all, I could not understand any of the pieces to be honest. But still I paid my full attention on them, well many not full because I was super exhausted. My eyes were literally closing while looking at the art. I asked Matt whether he can draw, he said he can. He asked me back, I said I can't but I can paint. He said it's weird because most people who can paint can draw as well.
The gallery was about to close when I entered and we were asked to leave like 20 minuted after we after entered. After we got out from the gallery, he asked whether I should have dinner. Immediately I said yes because I was starving. Trust me! I was falling asleep at that time but when he says we can have diner, I was alive again.
And then my nightmare started. He told me that he is a vegetarian. I was stunned! Because I was so hungry at that time and all my mind was about burger and pizza and now he was telling me he can't either or them I was so so so disappointed because I could really picture myself eating burger. He brought me to his vegetarian cafe.
It's called Egg Cafe, very weirdly decorated, painted purple and it's upstairs. When we were going upstairs he asked whether I have cash and I said I didn't. So we walked to Bold street again to withdraw some cash.
He did not tell me what to do in that cafe at all. He only said that the menu is up there. If not the self-service word, I would not know it was a self-service restaurant. He did not tell me there's tap water provided next to the counter and we needa pick the cutleries ourselves. He did not say a thing about that place to me. I was super self-conscious again, I was so scared that I do the wrong thing. Plus I was the only Asian there, many British were looking at me, to see what I am going to do next.
Again I did not order with him because of the same reason. He ordered before me and went off, leaving me alone to order and he went to get a seat. I was kinda panicked when I did not see him after I have ordered and I did not know what to do with the number that they have given me. I was looking around to see where he sits. That's not very nice isn't it. H got his own cutlery only, he didn't get mine. I was a bit pissed off even though he got me water. I mean, come on lar! I don't know whether I am judging him from an asian's perspective maybe angmos don't use to do that who knows. But still I wasn't happy.
We were talking while eating. The food is not bad and the portion was so big. Even though they were nothing compare to burgers and pizzas but because I was very hungry I still ate up half of the food. The table that we sat at was so small, we were so close to each other while eating. And I swear I tried my hardest to look into his eyes without bring shy or anything. We talked a lot, about travelling. #meh After we have finished our food but carried on talking, there were so many angmos around me, looking at me. I don't know whether overthink but I thought they were judging me because I was with an angmo.
I texted jasmine when he got up to get something. He asked me to go for a drink and Jasmine was worried. She asked me whether she should call to get me out of it, I said it's ok. I said sure and we went to a bar after dinner. I said yes. We wen to Leaf at Bold Street. I didn't know it turns into a bar at night until that day. Matt walked in first and I followed. They are so many people staring at me while I walked in. I was so so so uncomfortable with all the starings.
After looking at the menu, I decided to go for beer even though I do not really fancy beer, but I thought I could give it a try. I asked him to go ahead and order at the bar first and I would do after him. But he said it's ok, he will get the drink for me as well. From what Jasmine told me, I knew he wanted to buy me a drink. I asked whether he is sure, he said yes. So we both went for beer.
We were sitting very near to the stage, could barely hear each other talking. I found it so weird to sit and talk to a stranger that I just knew and I thought I have nothing to talk to me already after dinner. You know the dinner takes like forever and at the end of it I already feel like we already run out of topics I was trying to hard talk about things that he might have interest in, I did try. So when we were in the bar, I honestly did not know what else to say and to do and I was so so so sleepy at that time. I was literally falling asleep sitting on the chair because it was so nice and the bar was super cozy. I tried very hard to stay awake I swear.
We talked for a bit and then I heard him saying something about rooftop and hopping from now roof to another roof and there are no barriers and stuffs. And at the end he asked me whether I would wanna go there after this. I was like why not, so I said yes. Before we go I suggested that we chug the beer. He said let's do it together but I said no, I will do it after him. But he said no, well and then I agreed we both do it at the same time. He finished before me, I mean I don't like beer to begin with so I had quite a hard time finishing it in such short time. While I was still drinking, he kind of pushed my glass and tilted to so that I couldn't have a rest and must finish it. I wasn't quite happy with that but I didn't say a word. I finished at last and then we left.
We used the road next to Bold Street. I didn't recall him telling me where exactly we were going or it was because the music was too loud for me to hear it. I followed him behind and then after a while I saw him putting his hand in his pocket to get keys. I was WTF!!! Suddenly I was at his place without knowing anything. THE HELL!!! I was kind nervous because I had been to a guy's place before all this while.
But I thought it was not gonna be nice if I say I would wanna pass this, I thought it was gonna be rude. So I went it. And then only I realised, "Shit, I am so screwed! I am a guy's place, without knowing what happen, I followed a guy to his. What the hell I was thinking just now." I tried to remain calm but God knows how nervous I was at that time.
It was a flat upstairs of a shop. We need to walk upstairs to see Matt's bedroom and toilet and the go up again to the living room and kitchen. It was weird! The weirdest feeling I have ever had. When Matt stepped on the stairs He kind of rubbed his shoes on the carpet to get rid of the excess dusts before heading up. I asked him whether I should do what he did, he said no, so I didn't. I tried to look around as much as possible while he was leading the way, hahaha~ I wanted to know as much as possible without him knowing that I wanna know about his place. That's funny.
He pushed open the glass door to his balcony and asked me to to take off my shoes and place it by the glass door. We didn't hang out much at his place, I didn't even get to sit down at the couch and he suggested that we go up to the roof. Then only I realised it was the roof at his place. SAY WHAT?!?
He pulled a chair near the wooden fence between his and his neighbour and started climbing up to the chair and then on to the fence. The fence that he stepped on was the door of the fence, if it makes sense. So when he stepped on it, the door opened and he nearly slipped off. Holy Shit, it was quite high from the ground, I was so worried that he would fall. He closed the door with my help and he stepped onto a water pipe that seemed quite firm, with his hands holding onto the roof. Because the roof was slanted so I can see him trying hard to grab something for himself to exert a bit of force on it in order to get up there. I was so worried watching from below but he made it. And it was my turn.
I thought it wasn't gonna be that hard because everything looked quite fine to me as in I can definitely make it except that I was wearing dress. However after I have got up to the fence, I couldn't go any further because it was too high for me. I didn't think I can make it. Matt was from the roof, guiding me, telling me what to do, where to hold and where to step on. I followed what he said and when my hands were grabbing the rood and my body was still down there, Matt grabbed my hand and helped me. At first I was very self-conscious of my weight and I dared not rely on him completely. I did not put the pressure onto his hand fully because I was scared that if I do he might fall with me and bear in the mind the rood was slated. However I realised later if I do not do so I couldn't get up there.
I had to rely on him completely to pull me up. OMG, even though he looked small but he was quite tough, that was my first thought at the moment. So I got up there and it was literally rooftop without barriers. Because it was slanted, I couldn't find my balance and Matt gave me his hand so that I can hold on. What I like about him at that point of time is he didn't not give me pressure, he did not fire me on anything. There were some spots where I needed help and there are some I did not because it was a flat surface. So he offered me his hand when I needed help and he would let loose of my hand when we were on flat surfaces. How gentleman was that isn't it? I was happy about that, very happy.
So we walked from one roof to the other until he led me to the right roof where we can look down at Bold Street. It was so weird to look at the street from up there especially when people had no idea we were looking from up there. I felt so relief when we were sitting there. Honestly it scared the shit out of me while walking all the way here, I was so scared that I might fall or the roof would break and stuffs. I dared not move much after I sat down however after a while I started moving front and back to see Bold Street, see the sky, lay down and stuffs.
We were talking a bit and a bit after we sat down, not much at all. When I lay down and closed my eyes I wanted to just fall asleep so badly plus we were talking that much already. But it was too cold up there and he was next to me, I just can't. I thought he would hug me when we were laying next to each other but he didn't. After a long while, I sat up and I didn't know how but I mentioned what would I do when I am drunk. I said I would kiss random people. And he asked whether I am drunk and I said no. He said, it's too bad if not we could have some kisses. I got what he said but I just laughed off without responding to it. Again he asked whether I am sure that I'm not drunk, I said no. He probably thought that maybe I couldn't understand what he said so he repeated it again just in case.
Suddenly I saw some guys were looking at us from the building opposite us. They must be chefs, wearing the chef uniforms, were smoking at the very top floor on their building and they could saw us clearly and directly. I was quite embarrassed and I told Matt. He said he already saw them. I couldn't act normally after I knew that they were some people watching so so I lay back down to make myself less obvious to them.
The sky is turning dark and it was super cold, so I suggested that we go down. When we were on the way back to our rooftop, Matt suggested that he take a picture of me at the spot in the picture above. He said he took a picture at the same spot last time he was here and he said it was a much. I laughed and let him take a picture of me. And then after that I asked whether he has brought anyone up here he said no. I didn't know whether to believe him but it has nothing to do with me anyway even if he was lying.
He jumped off the roof first, I was following behind. I was so scared to jump down from the roof to the fence because it was really high. I didn't care anymore whether I was wearing dress and tried my best to get down. But still my leg couldn't reach the fence, so Matt stepped on the chair and hugged me from behind to get me down. It was so scary, if not Matt I would fall.
When we got back into his living room, he suggested that we put on something on the TV. He got himself some water without asking me, I wasn't happy. So I asked whether I can water too the only he got me another. #meh He asked me whether I would want some drinks, so I asked what drinks he has. He pointed to the cabinet and asked me to choose it myself. On top of the cabinet there were so many different types of liquor, and nothing seemed familiar to me at all. Because he didn't turn on the lights I could barely see the labels on the bottles. I asked whether I can open and sniff them and he said yes. I asked whether he owned all of them he said no, it was his housemate.
I sniffed a few and they were so strong and did not smell good at all. So I gave up and told him it was fine I will just have water. But he asked me keep choosing. And then I got one which smell so good, it had s strong lychee scent so I asked whether I can try it to see whether I like it. He got me a glass and it tasted awesome. It was sweet with strong lychee flavour but still I can taste the alcohol and the percentage was quite high. I asked whether he wants it too and he said yes.
We were sitting on the couch. He asked what film the should put on, I said I don't know. I said anything but horror films. He said he loves horror films. I said up to him I'm fine with anything and he got a horror film. I was looking at the couch before the movie started, there was no pillows or cushions. So I asked whether he has one he said no. He asked me whether I want pillow, I replied it was fine since he doesn't have one anyway. He kept asking whether I am sure, I said yes I am, it's ok. And then he said he will just get me his pillow and he ran downstairs to get me his. When the passed the pillow to me, I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? It was a pillow, sleeping pillow, it was huge and I couldn't barely see the TV after putting it on my laps. But he purposely went downstairs to get it for me, so I didn't say anything.
The film was so scary that I kept screaming. We were getting closer and closer to each other and things started when he placed his hand on my back. I was leaning forward to drink water and by the time I sat back his right hand was already on the couch and I was leaning onto his hand when sitting down. Again I was very self-conscious about my weight, I was so worried that I might be too heavy for his hand and he would get tired because of the weight. I repeatedly asked me wouldn't his hand feels tired because I'm heavy and he said no. I thought he must be saying out of polite so I still feel very sorry for him.
When the horror film was getting to it's climax, I was so scared that I went into his arms and he was hugging me using the hand that was on my back previously. He found it so funny because I couldn't stop screaming and sticked my head nearer and nearer to his neck and shoulder. He was making the 'shhh' should to keep me quiet when I was screaming and he had his hand over my shoulder hugging me. Until now I do not know why he laughed at me, probably because I looked stupid when screaming. But I swear I was freaking afraid of what was on the TV.
And the he started all the touching. He touched my leg, my hair, my collar bone and my neck. We started kissing after that and holy shit that was the best kiss I have ever had. t was so good and I was enjoying to the max. Just that I couldn't help but picturing Tom at that time. I know it was bad but I could control. I couldn't express how amazing the kisses were, especially when he kissed my neck, OMG!!! It was so so so good!
After a while we stopped and continue watching the film. He said he couldn't catch up with it anymore, he had lost track of the story. He was still hugging me. I asked whether I can sleep he didn't say anything. So I closed my eyes and fell asleep straight away, I was exhausted. A few minutes later Matt was patting me asking whether I have fallen asleep, and I woke up.
I walked home alone at 1am.
He didn't text me again the next day so I thought maybe he isn't interested in me and I deleted his chat on whatsapp because I did not wanna see his name appearing anymore. I was disappointed but I didn't block him though. After I have decided to put him out of my mind he texted me again during dinner time, said that he really enjoyed yesterday.
I replied, "Glad that you enjoyed it."
He asked, "You didn't?"
"I love it when we were on the rooftop. Honestly I didn't expect you would text me again."
"Why's that?"
"I don't know."
"I was actually going to ask you whether you want to do something on thursday since I am going to London on Friday?"
"You wanna see me again?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"You probably think that I am not good enough."
"Haha what? That's not what I think. Do you want to do something on Thursday then?"
"Yeah I would wanna go up the rood once more before I leave."
"Ok cool."
I didn't see him on Thursday again before I leave England because I was so OCCUPIED.
That's the part with Matt that I would want to remember so I wanna put it down just in case I forgot about it. You know I might get dementia in the future and reading it helps to remind me about the happy moments I had.
PS: I spent 2 days writing this and I only realised it's gonna be super long after I have started writing.
Love,
Xiaohui
30.12.16
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